still not stopping

Short Circut 2
I can't wait until the end where his outsides turn gold and he jumps up in the air then the screen freezes and the credits roll. And when he gets dressed up punk rock. Is it in SS 1 or SS 2 where there is the gang that says "los locos kick your ass, los locos kick your face, los locos kick your balls into OUT-ER-SPACE!"
"Johnny 5 no dissasamble!"

I don't know why, but the cliche of getting off of work (manual labor) and drinking a beer and eating pizza is soooooooooooo awesome.

Our new apartment is really nice (except for when the heat broke for a week). My job is pretty rad, we're trying to stay afloat...the store has been open since 1899, almost closed 3 years ago, but we won't let that happen. Detroit needs us. We are the only hardware store, pretty much. We are right across the street from Tiger Stadium. It looks so strange, they havn't taken anything down or done anything to it since it closed maybe 5 years ago. It's just really rusty and in early nineties decor. And it's massive. My boss is a local activist, pretty smart guy, and a really good guy.

Our view out of our windows at the new apartment includes:

A. The roof of the building next to us and the back of the bilboard on it
b. And old rusty water tower on top of a warehouse recently converted into lofts
c. 2 other warehouses converted into lofts
d. The Whitney (extremely expensive resturant in 19th century mansion)
e. a lot of other buildings
f. WSU dorms, the huge 20 story or whatever expensive dorm building

We're a block from the magic stick, across the street from the C-POP gallery, and only two blocks from Lauren's work, www.mocadetroit.org.

Back to SS2...

dude
I havn't been LJ'ing at all lately, havn't been here in a while. If you want to know what's going on with me, just ask. I'm bored of using this thing.

Happy New Year!

and remember to:
"kick out the jams, motherfucker"!

unemployment rules (!) :
1: look for jobs and work shitty side jobs to try and pay for things
2: appriciate the time you have off
3: explore a lot, rolloerskate on belle isle when it's not too cold, but don't fall on your knee really hard by the fountain
4: make crafts for a minimum of 8 hours a day
5: look for jobs
6: realize that it's a week from christmas and it's going to be nearly impossible to find a job right now
7: make crafts
8: watch "the godfather" trilogy while crafting
9: i just finished knitting a scarf!
10: i just made all these things!
11: now i will walk around and try to bum a cigeratte. (i'm not going to hide my desperate times! all times are real and they are alright)
12: it's nice outside, so walk around and enjoy the weather and unique art deco architecture on every corner.

and
many

more.

yeah fuck yeah fuck eyeah yeah !
SNOW! It's AMAZING!!!
What a good day. It feels so good outside, it's crisp, and really sunny and the light reflects off of the snow on the ground! I'm so happy!
Lauren has an interview at an art gallery in Grosse Point (sorta wierd) but it's definetly a gallery job and it probably pays a lot and has rad benefits. Alright back to work Ryan.

sunlight
I walked around today, I walked around today.
Applying for jobs sucks, because all I wanted to do today was work on knitting this scarf I'm making. It's going to be super long, and it's purple. One half is a little wider than a normal scarf, and it tapers in the middle and then there is a skinny really long other half. It's going to be awesome.
Man.
I've done enough job hunting for today, it's time to go home and fucuking KNIT !!!

faw
k.
right now, I just want to get out. I need to do something, oh yeah, that thing is smoke a cigeratte.
I hate having help.
I like being cared about, but I can take care of myself, please! And even when I can't, it's hard to accept help, but I'm learning to feel ok about it. I'm learning...nobody has ever cared this much about me before. I'm getting used to it. It's causing me to change my ways, it's causing me to take better care of myself and family and friends.

I really don't like and didn't remember the extent of self destructiveness that people have around here.
It's really sad.
Keep your mind going and take care of yourself, people!
Keep your mind going!
Stay intereste4d in life, not just getting wasted!
In related news, I feel as though I am over over over drinking mass amounts. I've done it maybe 4 times since I've been back, and it's just not the same. It's not really fun anymore. Along the same lines, I don't even like going out to parties in the wee hours of the night/morning anymore. It's just not interesting to me anymore. The daytime is really interesting. I would love to experience and be a part of the light hours of the day.

It's supposed to snow 1-4 inches tonight, and I want to ice skate. The rink downtown a few blocks away form here is open. It looks really cute.

I've been really good at controlling myself lately. I've never had a decent amount of self control before, but I sure do now. I feel like I have a huge atvantage over a lot of people because of that. I've been really happy like this, pretty much, for the last six or eight months.

Been thinking a lot about time lately. So many events I feel matter because they happened, and the time at which they happened seems a lot less important.

Well.

yeah

------------------------------------------------------------------
Fucking around with MS paint, and also The Gimp. Fun.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This house may soon be owned by Lauren and I:

It's in Mexicantown, where we would like to live. Built in 1919. Pretty safe neighborhood, maybe safer than where we are now. I thought it was pretty safe around here, until a friend got mugged a block away two days ago. But, anyway, this house seems super rad. We made an appointment to check it out on Saturday. It's really cheap since the real estate market is doing so bad right now. $25,000. $1,000 down, and about $150 a month. That's way less than I've ever payed for rent, and it's a fucking mortgage!!! Man. It even has a back alley (AKA somewhere to park behind the house not on the street). It probably needs tons of renovation, but that would be so fun. It's a really long house, it looks small from the front but it's a 4 bedroom house with a living room, dining room, full basement, kitchen, and I think it has an attick. And a little back yard, and I think it might have had a garage. If it doesn't I'd consider building one to keep the cars safe. The only big thing we would have to do right away would be to install an alarm system, and I think that is it. Yeah. I'm super excited! Owning a house for super cheap!!! Also it's right by Duley's Coney Island, Lauren's Uncle's Uncle used to own it. It's definetly not been updated at all since the 1970's, and the prices probably havn't been updated since the late 80's/early 90's. $1.45 for a grilled cheese, $1.50 for fries, $0.75 for hot chockolate, and so on. And it's really good. And the waiter dude gives everyone a sucker on their way out. Man, I am so excited except for the fact that I'm super tired right now from lack of sleep last night, stayed up all night with Lauren so that we could be tired enough to go to sleep at a normal time tommorrow night instead of 5am or 6am like usual. Fuck. I'm out.

cleaning up at 5am
for $20 and to help out. found a full pack of cigerattes, some change, and some buttons. lauren and I danced up the floor, earlier in the night. Kip and I offered everyone we could find with a cigeratte in hand, "$1 for a cigeratte", and we held on to our dallors all night. Nobody would take that. I got flicked off for offering to pay a dallor once. Sass at Oslo, one year anniversary. We woke up at 6:15pm today, the sun was down, and I said something about going out to Meijer for some bike spoke noise makers. It was a good excuse to get out, and it's been fun. We needed to leave for a while. Yes, if we would have stayed inside knitting and cutting our hair ALL DAY, then I wouldn't have felt like a real human being. I still feel a bit crazy having the first coffee of the day at 10:30PM, but, at least I'm drinking coffee. Yep, yep. Man, last night was so fun until I had to go back and clean up everything at fucking 5AM. Well....................at least I got some work done.

I wrote that on Sunday.
Now it's Tuesday. Nik and I played some songs we've been working on last Friday. We had expected people to completely hate it, or have some kind of stronger reaction, but, people just kind of....held interest for the most part, and lissended attentively. It was really fun, but driving all the way to Milford is something else. I love living downtown, and it takes a lot for me to leave. For one, it's expensive to drive, and for two, I have to use Lauren's car which isn't mine. For three, Milford sucks so bad and it makes me feel crazy. I don't know how everything can be soooo fucking spread apart. And people choosing to live there! It's supposed to be convenient, I think, but I don't understand why. I feel much more convienced living downtown with everything I need in a stone's throw away from me.
I'm waiting for some dude to call me back about doing some carpentry work and cleanup work in Farmington Hills, speaking of the subarbs. It' will be good to be working anyway, and I enjoy doing work like that. I just hope he calls back. I have a few more semi-leads for jobs through Derek, who works at Oslo ....

Woohooo! I got some work!!!

video 2
4 videos for $10
-A Gnome named Gnorm
-Twins
-Rockin' Road Trip
-(something else awesome)

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, it's funny, I'm sitting in the lobby at the YMCA using the internet, and Vaughn (brother of Brad) is talking to some lady in front of me about joining the Y to swim in the winter. I wanna swim in the winter! The pool looks rad, and the Y here is seriously the awesomest and best designed gym I've ever seen. Weird thing to say about a gym, I guess, but it is really fucking cool. Something that would never be thrown down into the subarbs.

Alright, back to looking for work...

Oh, one more thing,
Cliff Bells is so rad. Detroit needed a bar like this.
www.cliffbells.com
The history is really amazing too.

One more thing...
Lauren is fucking amazing.
I am extremely lucky to be with her.
She takes such good care of me, and I try to do the same for her and I think I am. She is happy. Yeah. Oh man, Dream Girl USA.

One more...
Totally excited to play a show on Friday.
Totally excited that Lauren got it off of work so that she can come!
And then, Sass is on Saturday night!!!!!!!!!!!

sleeping
odd hours. Three words that describe my life pretty well right now.
Visiting Lauren in the office at Oslo.

Eating bannana pancakes at Eastern Market on Saturday morning.

Hanging out at home.

Remembering fun times.

And yeah, making new times.
Making a lot of new times.
Today (more like yesterday) at 6am we had to go to the subarbs, to Livonia. Lauren hates bringing me out there because I just get pissed off. I hate going out there because I get pissed off. But I guess it's good because it confirms how I feel about that hateful selfish wasteland out there. It was good to see her grandma though, I think she's pretty rad. Because she is.
I'm quitting smoking because my cough sounds like I am dying. It's a little scary. Especially sitting here in the lobby at the YMCA (free internet) with all these healthy people walking by me. Fuck, I want to be healthy!
I'm going to go eat some chili.
Lauren made a co-op size batch of vegan chili last night.
It's super good.

OH MAN!!!
Miso soup and gin and tonics! Endless!!! Sheeit!!!! It's awesome to be the boyfriend of the manager of Oslo, I get hooked up a lot. Fuck. Man, I am drunk, huh? It's only midnight, but it's the weekend and the party hasn't even started yet here, just hanging out and talkin' to people and drinkin'. Ash gave me seven mousepads.
bye.

It's so much better than I thought it was gonna be!!
Long-time DJ partners Matthew Dear (AKA Audion) and Ryan Elliott will play a grand opening event for the grand opening of the Museum of Contemporary Art Detroit on October 26th. MOCAD aims to cultivate an awareness and understanding of the best work being created in the visual & performing arts, literature and music; they invite you to be one of the first to visit the museum and its premier exhibit, “Meditations In An Emergency”.

Thursday, October 26th, 2006
MOCAD Grand Opening Afterparty
9:30 PM | $10

featuring DJs Matthew Dear and Ryan Elliott (Spectral Sound) from 10pm-1am

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART DETROIT
4454 Woodward Ave, Detroit MI 48201

To purchase advance tickets call 248-833-1336

Also, Let me add, volunteers are still needed and then you can get in for free and you get a MOCAD T-Shirt. I can't believe Matthew Dear is playing! The first time I met him, we were shirtless and running around Ann Arbor with makeup on in the cold drunk and Some dude Kalissa had a crush on was taking pictures of us and this middle east military dude was there and hitting on all the chicks and he was wasted!!!!!!!!! DAQHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY LIFE IS CRAZY

I'm in Las Vegas
Yeah, this sucks. This place sucks. Almost as bad as Pheonix. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo many conservative people, it's like the Detroit burbs, which, p.s., I am going avoid at all costs. Which means I'll go there to see my parents, if I cannot convince them to come near me. I'm a little nervous to go to Milford on Saturday to play a show, because I fucking hate that place. Oh man, weird times.
I'm glad I'm living downtown. I don't even know where else I could live in Michigan and not have a car. I mean, I could live a lot of other places, but it would fucking suck.
Thursday night is the MOCAD opening. I'm taking ID's at the door for the afterparty. Lauren is organizing the volunteers. There will be nine artists displaying work. The one artist I looked up so far is super rad.
Fuck. I'm so glad I don't have a car, because it's a great excuse to not have to go anywhere outside of Detroit. Well, I'm about to get on my plane I think.
I'm tired and annoyed and I should quit bitching. I can't wait to be home. Lauren is so fucking awesome. Her amazingness suprises me every single day. I had no idea someone could be so awesome. Man, she is it.
I smell really bad and I just want to lay down right now.
P.S. drinking on planes gets you more drunk because of the altitude I guess. It's really weird.
I'm in Las Vegas, the stupidest fakest place uhm....in the desert.

woah, man!
I am excited because uh this:

Volunteering at Back Alley Bikes
Volunteering at the Heidelburg Project
Making money by brewing beer downtown? Possible job I may be able to get, seems like a pretty solid plan
Living downtown with Lauren
Getting PHAT PHINANCIAL aid for being 24 years old=no stress about school money
=Finishing my Urban Studies Degree
Playing a solo stuff show on the 17th of November
Playing a show on the 28th (I think) of October with IMH
Did I mention that I am going to live with Lauren
Not owning a car in Michigan will feel rebelious, instead of normal
Wearing a snowsuit and playing with my dog outside in a foot of snow in January!
Sledding
Sliding cars into snow banks for fun
Peeing in snow
Mexicantown food!
The fact that Detroit has a Mexicantown!
The fact that Detroit doesn't have a white majority
Riding bikes to and on Belle Isle
Seeing buildings from the 1700's
Seeing abandoned buildings from the 1700's
Going (sneaking) into them
Eating amazing sushi
Dancing until 7am pretty much any time I feel like going out on the weekend
FUNK NIGHT!
The Detroit Contemporary
The Bronx Bar
Sass
Being near my family
Watching my brother fence for the UofM!
Toronto being a 3 hour drive
Chicago being a 5 hour drive
Not living in a city that is a bubble
.
Man.
Today I was hanging out, you know, and I just started to get so sad when I realized how crazy it's going to be when I leave Megan and Mike, I'll cry at the airport. Then I'll have a day of flying to think and reflect on what my life has been for the last year. Then I'll magically be in Detroit. lauren will pick me up, and it will be amazing. And, my life will INSTANTLY be way different than it has been for over a year. This is so crazy and so awesome. It's so strange to be moving to somewhere that I am really familiar with, and to where I am strongly connected. Because I have changed a lot, and I don't really know where I'll fit yet. But I know I'll fit and fit well.

Bed time.
Goodnight.

Fuck.
I really want to get high soon.
I'm way too overwhelmed.
I'm sick of having nothing to show for myself, but I know it's my own fault. I mess up whenever things start to be alright. I wish I hadn't lost/given up my last job, I could have really used the money, and I really fucking loved that job. It's a shitty feeling to loose a job you love. I'm sick of it hapening, I honestly don't know if I'm unknowingly doing it to myself, or if I'm just really really bad at doing things. I hate that the only way I can trust myself to wake up early is if I stay up all night. Which is what I am doing right now. I hope my next job feels like I'm doing something. But, I know I'm going to be washing dishes or some kind of bullshit. Whatever. That's what I get for not thinking work is important. I get unimportant work.
I want to get high.
I am excited for my life to get in place in Michigan, just not excited that it's going to take a really fucking long time to pay everything I owe, and hopefully pay off a driving ticket, so that I can keep my liscense. It's fucking stupid how much tickets cost, it really pisses me off.
Michigan, I'll have to find where I fit in.
I know that I don't exactly fit in where I used to.
I don't drink a 40 to "unwind" anymore.
I don't really drink that much anymore, which makes hanging out with a lot of people not even an option.
I'm in a really terrible mood.
I am soooooo hungry, but not about to eat Ramen, it makes me nautious lately. But Safeway opens in a few hours.
I am so pissed at myself, I wish I understood myself. God fucking dammit.

Current Music: Syd Barrett - The Madcap Laughs [bonus tracks]

Moving
is really fucking stressful. Thank the lord that craigslist works amazingly well out here. I've been selling so much random shit, and making a bit more than enough money to get by. Today we posted an ad on craigslist.org itself, for someone to take my place. And Leo's as well. We have gotten about twenty replies so far, in the first four hours. It's totally insane. We are going to interview people this weekend. I am so fucking stressed out. I think I'm going to take a nap/watch a movie and let my mind rest. It's been working overtime lately, and it needs a little break from it.

Oh man,
Ima be home so soon. Last night I went camping with Megan's family. We ate such awesome food, and it was really nice to get out of the city for a day. Her family was super super nice, and really funny. Imagine a bunch of old people playing with glowsticks, and making a ball out of them and playing catch in the dark. Ha. The other main highlight of camping was seeing the sun set between a bunch of pretty turning colors trees, while laying in the leaves and playing with a happy excited dog. I just wish Lauren could have been there too, but I always wish that about every time.

Ashley found this picture and it's such good memories and I cannot wait to be back in Michigan.

Good day, friends.

ADAM, we should go to the Alberta Street Pub again on Tuesday, if you want to. That patio is amazing, and I really would love to see wasted German's again. Dollar pints of Pabst=fun for all!

...
Wow, I'm glad I don't get wasted every night. I hate thinking about stupid shit I did, remembering in peices. Man. So dumb.
It's a good day to sleep all day I suppose.

Smoking
the last cigeratte makes me more nervous than the fact that I am eating Chicken flavored Ramen, because I cannot live off of cereal and crackers alone.
I'll try sleeping a lot tommorrow I suppose.
Mike and I have been playing music every day.
The Virginal Sound is going to play at some warehouse venue called "Silo", and I'm excited.
Nonetheless, I wish I could be home right now.
My heart is there.
More than ever I am certain about this.

Goodnight.

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